discipline

I debated posting today, but I have a few reasons to do so. First, procrastination. Second, which flows from the first is that I have been greatly lacking in discipline lately. The art of self-discipline and self-control has always been a major battle for me. Over the past few days, however, the struggle has been mounting. The battle starts early in the day when I must choose to get out of bed. Lately, it has been after hitting the snooze button, 3 or 4 or 5 or up to 9 times before I even consider extracting myself from my cocoon of blankets. That is just the beginning. Throughout the day I have to constantly fight of a culture that says, "indulge! You deserve this!" I pass by coffee shops, clothing stores, chocolate bars and think...hmm I think I need a little pick me up. Without a thought of the cost (or the calories in some cases) I have purchased an unnecessary item. *sigh*
I stay up too late with friends, neglect my homework and then stay up late reading, always trying to convince myself that this is the last chapter before I turn off the light at 5 am.

God, oh God, I am so sorry
I wanted to be strong so you would be proud
I didn't know that it was me who longed for glory
My strength has become my fall

The remorse I feel for things left undone
words, unsaid
engulfs my heart like a tide does the shore
I'm sorry, so sorry

So consumed by my self hate I don't hear
You call my name
My eyes shut out Your shining face
Not feeling your embrace

Hold me now Jesus
My strength, my weakness
My weakness, Your strength
Holding me now