goals

ok, i haven't written in over a month, albeit, an extremely crazy month, but still no excuse is a good excuse. So I thought I would start off this year right with a few new resolutions, aka goals for 2011:

1. Write in this blog at least once a week. This gives me an outlet from the craziness of school and life and is not as personal as my prayer journal. this blog is where i can vent some of the "non" important aspects in life so i had better use it

2. do my readings for class. it's important, i'm in fourth year (eep) so i should just stay on top of them.

3. get my drivers license. this is a long time coming and i'm sure it will make many people happy

4.play more music. i got a flute for christmas so i need to practice it more to remember everything. but in this as well, not be afraid to make mistakes when im just jamming with friends. who cares if i don't know how to do something? my friends don't so why should i?

there. now they're out in the open so i can't reneg on them. wish me luck my friends.

discipline

I debated posting today, but I have a few reasons to do so. First, procrastination. Second, which flows from the first is that I have been greatly lacking in discipline lately. The art of self-discipline and self-control has always been a major battle for me. Over the past few days, however, the struggle has been mounting. The battle starts early in the day when I must choose to get out of bed. Lately, it has been after hitting the snooze button, 3 or 4 or 5 or up to 9 times before I even consider extracting myself from my cocoon of blankets. That is just the beginning. Throughout the day I have to constantly fight of a culture that says, "indulge! You deserve this!" I pass by coffee shops, clothing stores, chocolate bars and think...hmm I think I need a little pick me up. Without a thought of the cost (or the calories in some cases) I have purchased an unnecessary item. *sigh*
I stay up too late with friends, neglect my homework and then stay up late reading, always trying to convince myself that this is the last chapter before I turn off the light at 5 am.

God, oh God, I am so sorry
I wanted to be strong so you would be proud
I didn't know that it was me who longed for glory
My strength has become my fall

The remorse I feel for things left undone
words, unsaid
engulfs my heart like a tide does the shore
I'm sorry, so sorry

So consumed by my self hate I don't hear
You call my name
My eyes shut out Your shining face
Not feeling your embrace

Hold me now Jesus
My strength, my weakness
My weakness, Your strength
Holding me now