light in the darkness

the last few days we have had no power in half of our house. one of the rooms without power was the bathroom. normally this wouldn't be too bad but our bathroom DOES NOT have a window so everything in there is dark. pitch dark. it makes everything so much harder to do. Fortunately we had some lantern type flashlights which aided in the bathroom business. this got me to thinking about how light and dark are at play in our lives.

Living with the darkness

I realized how much stuff/ darkness that I just live with. I wasn't too concerned about the fact that I had to do everything by candlelight/ flashlight, but when the lights finally came back on it made things so much easier. What areas of my life am I willing to live in the dimness?

The light is so bright!

when the light is on it's easier to see all the mess and crap in life so it can seem easier to live in the darkness. We don't want to deal with our failings, problems and weaknesses, but when we leave them in the dark, we tend to bump into them a lot more than when the light is on.

Selfish vs selfless

when it seems dark it can be easier to have a "woe is me" mentality. we don't want to look for the light in the darkness. it's too hard to look for hope because we need to get out of ourselves. we need to die to the selfishness that makes us want to wallow in self pity, hopelessness or despair and seek the light. When we look outside of ourselves and to the hope of Christ, we will find that it is indeed not all about us, but about how through Jesus' suffering, death and resurrection we are able to live in the light of the love of God.

well, my computer is about to die so I'm going to take that as a sign to say goodnight and God Bless

Dear Blog...

haha, so I'm watching Dear John right now and really it should be called Dear Yawn. GOSH that kind of makes me feel better about my life, at least it's not as lame as this movie. Oh Nicholas Sparks, this is not one of your masterpieces. The upside it has good music. which is delighting my ears just as the smell of my awesome stew is tickling my nose and taste buds.

The last few weeks have been pretty tough emotionally. I've been lacking in motivation for life...Oh I have a reading...whatever...oh I have a talk to right....sure thing...later...investing in people....nah....I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep...maybe forever.

idontcareidontcareidontcareidontcare anymore.

Jesus, please show me how to care again

discipline

I debated posting today, but I have a few reasons to do so. First, procrastination. Second, which flows from the first is that I have been greatly lacking in discipline lately. The art of self-discipline and self-control has always been a major battle for me. Over the past few days, however, the struggle has been mounting. The battle starts early in the day when I must choose to get out of bed. Lately, it has been after hitting the snooze button, 3 or 4 or 5 or up to 9 times before I even consider extracting myself from my cocoon of blankets. That is just the beginning. Throughout the day I have to constantly fight of a culture that says, "indulge! You deserve this!" I pass by coffee shops, clothing stores, chocolate bars and think...hmm I think I need a little pick me up. Without a thought of the cost (or the calories in some cases) I have purchased an unnecessary item. *sigh*
I stay up too late with friends, neglect my homework and then stay up late reading, always trying to convince myself that this is the last chapter before I turn off the light at 5 am.

God, oh God, I am so sorry
I wanted to be strong so you would be proud
I didn't know that it was me who longed for glory
My strength has become my fall

The remorse I feel for things left undone
words, unsaid
engulfs my heart like a tide does the shore
I'm sorry, so sorry

So consumed by my self hate I don't hear
You call my name
My eyes shut out Your shining face
Not feeling your embrace

Hold me now Jesus
My strength, my weakness
My weakness, Your strength
Holding me now